Well, I see our Career Center (Motto: "If we close our eyes, the iceberg won’t hit us") has helpfully laid out a program for 2Ls on how to turn a summer firm job into a post-graduation offer. That’s fine for you money-grubbing weasels, but what about the 2Ls working in public interest, or those who haven’t found legal employment? Herewith the TDA guide to the range of summer experience.

For those of you hoping the fall will offer solace from the bleak summer, let me dissuade you by presenting you with an update to Fall 2004 Registration. As you know, Duke has hired several new faculty for next year, and they will be bringing some new course offerings with them. At the same time, some of our current professors have decided to explore new areas of the law with new and exciting courses. Please update your registration materials with the following new course offerings:

Whadda Ya mean, "Guilty"? (Professor Chemerinsky)
In addition to Federal Courts, star new hire Erwin Chemerinksy will teach this course in which he explores the reasons why the Constitution forbids the jailing of anyone for any crime, no matter how heinous, and why jury instructions need to be modified to preclude guilty verdicts. 3 Credits.
Genocide, Schmenocide (Professors Taylor and Milosevic)
Professor Morris’s Clinic on the Special Court for Sierra Leone will not be offered this fall. In its place, we are offering an exciting new course from visiting professors Charles Taylor, former president of Liberia, and Slobodan Milosevic, former president of Serbia. The course will examine strategies for using mass murder, ethnic expulsions and undisciplined paramilitary forces to re-shape your local environment for fun and profit. Emphasis will be on the vaguenees and lack of muscle behind so-called International Humanitarian law. 2 Credits.
Why Duke Sucks (Professor van Alstyne)
Professor van Alstyne has kindly agreed to ease the pain of his parting by teaching this one-credit research class on a visiting basis. Students will write research papers on why Duke makes bad faculty hiring decisions, why Durham is a terrible place to live, or any other topic validating the title of the course. Extra credit for physically vandalizing school property. 1 Credit.
Recent Tax Law (Professor Zelenak)
The tax code changes every year. Search through reams of incomprehensible congressional gobbledygook looking for new deductions law professors can use. Credit based on results.
The PATRIOT Act (Professor Silliman)
Also known as "Where did Michael Byers really go?" this class will explore the scope of governmental powers under anti-terror statutes, and look into the reasons why recent letters and postcards from ex-professor Byers contain so many palm tree references. 2 Credits.
Clinic: North Carolina laws on obscenity, public indecency, and drunk and disorderly conduct. (Self-taught)
Help bail TDA staff out the week before each issue. No credits, but you get your name in the staffbox.
Topics in Sports History (Professor Haagen)
Told he had to give up either his class on legal history or sports law, Professor Haagen has re-cast the two as one, resulting in a fascinating look at competitive exercise throughout American history. Topics this year will include the lawn bowling doping scandals of the 1790s, the Native American sport of "catching smallpox," and "cow tipping from the Jackson era to the Great Depression." No credit, as it has nothing to do with law.
International trade, the WTO, and Outsourcing (Professor Pauwelyn)
Covers the domestic and international law regarding labor and capital mobility. Explains why you’ll be unemployed in a few years unless you can underbid a Mumbai paralegal. 3 Credits.
Securities Law and Federalism (Professor Lay)
Visiting Professor Ken Lay examines why the use of federal mail and wire fraud statutes is a threat to the balance of federal and state power. Recent high-profile cases brought by the Manhattan district attorney’s office against Wall Street firms more than explain why local officials are best equipped to deal with corporate governance issues, especially in jurisdictions such as Houston, where they aren’t so picky about bookkeeping. 1,000,000 Credits, which somehow show up on your transcript as 1.
Law and Order (Professor TV)
You’re going to watch it anyway. Might as well get credit for it. Final based on ability to identify episodes (including 10 minutes to end mandatory plot twist) based on five-second clips. 4 Credits.